It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
