i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
