there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
