Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
