Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
