I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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