Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
