im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
