I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
