Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
