its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
