The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
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