So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
