I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just puked most of my soul out..
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