Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize