i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
