I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
