You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
