I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize