3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
