it was like his penis was on wheels.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
