y did u give ur computer a hand job?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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