Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
