I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
