finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
