I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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