I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
