I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Randomize
