i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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