so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
