we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
