Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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