it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
