Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He better not be in your backpack
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize