the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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