Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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