I'm jealous of your bromance
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
