just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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