Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize