i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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