Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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