my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Too much gin, very little bucket
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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