Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
