I just made out with a guy for $7.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
