Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize