Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We don't watch enough power rangers
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
