I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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