I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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