This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
