Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
