I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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