just tell him i said nine months
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
