go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
