i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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