Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
