what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
