none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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