so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
