Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize