Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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