Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
