So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
