Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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