I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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